Personality Development: SHYNESS - SELF-CREATED PRISON!

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A shy person is an inwardly shrunken person. Shyness is serious when a man remains shy all his life. It is serious because it represses him. It makes him put too low a value on himself. It prevents self-expression. It is a mild fear. It keeps hundreds of men in the rank and file.
It may harden into an inferiority complex. It becomes a sense of smallness. An inferiority complex may do one of two things. It may spur you on to develop yourself and do your best, or it may send you into a hole.
If a young man has no pluck, his inferiority complex will make him a weakling. He will be stuck in the rank and file. But if he has ambition, his inferiority will stimulate him to learn, to take chances and to breast the blows of circumstances and grapple with his fate.
The best way to overcome shyness is to meet more people, especially strangers. If a man is afraid of the sound of his own voice, he should join a class in public speaking. He should take more part in conversation in larger groups.
There is another pull-back memory. The average mind is practically all memory and feelings. The active thinking part is not developed.

Memory
A certain body of knowledge or ignorance becomes standardized. When it becomes old, it becomes sacred. It becomes a creed. It is orthodoxy and whoever questions it, is regarded as immoral.
Keyserling says, “The power of memory is overwhelming. It is almost the incapacity to forget.” This is the main reason why people are unprogressive. They do not think. They only remember.
We do bind the brain with formalism and class distinction. We create castes. We do have our traditional body of learning. We rank men, not by their usefulness and creative power, but by other tests which have nothing to do with intelligence.
We have invented ways of dulling and paralyzing the brain. We aim at oblivion, rather than self-expression. We deaden the brain with drink, drugs, superstitions, traditions and castes.
Consequently, when one decides to follow his own reason and to live his own life, he is faced with difficulties and opposition, both from within and without.
Every young man, with a spark, has a wish to attain success. He may have a wish to be distinctive. But he shrinks back from paying the price. He says: “What will people say?” and “I don’t feel like it.” He makes lame excuses.
He says: “I am what I am.” “I can’t change myself.” “There is too much risk.” His spark of ambitions becomes a cinder. He settles down to do what he is told to do and to live a life that is controlled by others—a puppet!
These are the whines of the weak, the mind. No one can set limits to self-development. Many have made history and shaped the destinies of nations though born with a wooden spoon.
If Columbus had said: “I don’t feel like going on”, when he was a thousand miles from land, he would never have discovered a new continent. If he had been influenced by tradition or by what people said, he would never have started on the most famous of all voyagers!
The weak man is always a “but” man. He is held by the pull-backs. When anyone suggests a new plan or improvement, he says: “Yes. That would be a good idea, but….” He always has a “but”. His “buts” have kept him unsuccessful, yet they continue to repress him.
There are always “buts”—risks and obstacles. If fame were sold in “Bargain Basements”, we could all be celebrities. The only way that any man can succeed is facing and overcoming his “buts”.
There is always a resistance to be overcome. All the prizes of life are upstream. They can never be reached by drifting.
Imagination rescues us from the clutch of memory. It makes a man look forward, not back. And it gives him forethought instead of fear-thoughts. Whenever you find yourself opposed and uncertain, the wisest policy is to concentrate upon the near future and the next step.
Think tomorrow. Take a short view. Go forward as a man does on a strange road in a dark night—one step at a time. As gold champion, once said: “It is the next shot that counts.”

Forethought
IF an ocean liner were to think and feel, it would be afraid to leave its dock. It would think of the vast ocean and the storms and the great waves. It would think of all its dangers and it would be afraid. But the fact is that it has only to meet one wave at a time. And it is strong enough to overcome one wave.
If you have a big problem, divide it up and tackle one part at a time. Wave by wave, a ship goes through the sea, and step-by-step, a man can overcome most, if not all of his difficulties.
A man goes forward by tackling his todays and planning his tomorrows. Every bit of progress gives him increased confidence.
A man prepares himself for tomorrow’s work by making a strong assertion of what he will do—making it just before he goes to sleep. “This”, says C.G. Leland, “strengthens the will. It keeps the brain positive. It gives the habit of forethought. And is likely to waken a glow of resolution and confidence.”
A shy person is a frightened person because he is unsure of himself. He is ill at ease with others that his life is spoiled by a constant tension. There stands between him and others a psychological barrier.
Sadly, this is the case of many a youngster. But he does not understand that this barrier is self-erected. He is like a short-sighted person without spectacles. His vision is hazy and he cannot help stumbling.
A shy person is an introvert. He lives in a world of his own—his inner universe. But as long as his introversion is kept in control, no harm comes to him. His personality suffers no set-back.
The truth is often unpleasant. A shy person often shirks the necessity of admitting to himself that he is lonely and unhappy at heart. Instead he pretends otherwise.
There is always a reason for behaviour. More than half the battle is won when one learns to understand himself. So that one is able to find the root cause of the trouble and follow a practical policy to get over it.
If you are suffering from this affliction, you must face facts. Admit that you have a vague fear of meeting people and looking them in the eye. Do not live in illusion that it is “natural” and you have to live with it till the last day of your life. The necessary change can be brought about and this depends entirely upon you.
Two factors are essential for the mastery of shyness. A stern refusal to repress your natural desires for outside life. A ruthless honesty which will enable you to discover and understand the forces which have combined to cause your condition.
A shy person is like a nervous actor on the stage. He thinks that he has an audience which will boo him down. This makes him all the more nervous. His tongue dries up and his legs begin to shake!
Contract this with another actor who thinks he is he master of the stage. His walk is confident, his voice resonant. He faces his audience with courage and delivers his lines with utmost care. There is no trace of shrinking feeling in him.
Do not think that others are watching and waiting to tear you down. Remind yourself that there is no reason why you should feel strained or shy. Blushing, going pink in face, has no significance
outside fact that it is a symptom of inner conflict. The more you worry about it, the more troublesome it becomes.
When you fear a feeling, it becomes more acute. You become unable to focus on outside world. You are only conscious of your own self and your fear.
A person thinks, “I am going to blush. I am sure. I will.” And so! He does. The symptom becomes a reality.
The way to conquer such symptoms is to resolve the inner conflicts and to keep on meeting people, and carrying on no matter how “bad” or “shrunk” you feel.
A person afflicted with blushing must have the courage to brush it off with a sting of the shoulder. Even if others make fun of it, he should join them. This way, he takes the sting out of there teasing.
And his nervous symptoms will diminish and then dwindle.
If you are shy, you must put everything in proper perspective, and see them in proper proportion. Casual friends are casual, not friends in the real sense of the world. You need not attach undue importance to them. Your nervous anticipatory feelings will vanish. The more you strain, the more painful your feelings.
A shy person should not compare himself unfavourably with handsome or more accomplished person.
Try instead to be pleased to meet another who is more endowed than you are. The other person has some magnetic qualities. Attempt to absorb them and bring about a pleasant change in your own personality.
We are not suggesting slavish imitation. But it is desirable to correct your weaknesses by noticing the strong qualities of others. This is one way to emerge from your self-containing feelings of inadequacy.

Opposite Sex
SOME people are shy and awkward with the opposite sex. This is due to subconscious sex factors which show themselves in painful ways.
Your adult attitude to the opposite sex depends on the attitude which existed in your childhood. Look at it in an objective manner, and try to correct it. For example, if you had a dominating mother, you will have a nervous attitude to women.
See your past experiences in right proportion to your life as a whole and try to cultivate a rational view-point. This is self-help.
Inability to feel comfortable with others is always caused by nervous tension. Once you discover the reason, it is easy to put it right. It becomes easy to master both the tension and shyness coming from it.
Cultivate the habit of feeling at ease all the time. Practice it consciously, relaxing your body and mind whenever you begin to feel strained.
Make no ‘extra’ effort to impress others. Try, instead, to be genuinely interested in them.
This shirking feeling is a self-created imprisonment cell. You created it. You can also demolish it, and come out.